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The Rowland Ebright Twilight Zone Fake Talk Show

Episode Three

Intro: animated furniture [1]
Robert Martin, video yearbook director, drops lots of names [2]
Mr. Obnoxious arrives and lives up to his name [3]
CPB [4]
The Naval Segment discusses nuclear subs (broadcast once) [5]
The Naval Segment apology (later broadcasts) [6]
Pat's hair discusses stuff [7]
Shelly and Trina Foster argue violently [8]
Sign off [9]

Shelly taped this episode, and I've recently learned she may be able to get me a copy.

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[1]
Starting with an empty set, I used stop-motion animation to bring on the three chairs, desk, microphone and a pencil, all the while doing grumbling voices. It was very Gilliamesque. Then I faded-in to a chair and did my intro for the show, after which I said "Beam me up, Scotty." and disappeared again.

[2]
Among other things, Spielberg was supposed to direct, and when Mr. Obnoxious removes his sunglasses, he says he got them from Buddy Holly.

[3]
Growing out of our "walk-on" concept, studio employee Chris Adams became the show's breakout star with this first appearance. He just walks onto the set during the interview and annoys the hell out of me and Robert. He doesn't have a mic, but shouts enough that you can hear him. I turn my back on him and tell Robert to ignore him, so he proceeds to play with my hair and punch me in the back. He eats food and throws things. Hilarious stuff.

[4]

[5]
Yet another studio employee, Jeff Hunt was a student who had just been recruited into the Navy. He and his buddy asked to add their little contribuition to the show, which we intended to be a regular thing, but that never happened. The intro to the segment had credits over a shot of his naked naval (get it?!) and the interview itself had the host talking to a guy who'd served for years on a leaking nuclear sub, thus he was now invisible. They just pinned a Navy hat to the top of the chair and voiced him off camera. I thought it was mildly amusing.

[6]
The segment brought a huge public out-cry, and had to be removed for later broadcasts. By "huge public out-cry" I mean that the mother of one of the two guys was adamently opposed to her son joining the Navy and called to complain. In later broadcasts we had a clip of the two apologizing for the offensive segment, that was actually in no way offensive. It did, however, allow me to reedit the episode to the proper exact half-hour it was supposed to be, since the original cut ran over.

[7]
Yes, I interviewed my brother's hippy-length hair in yet another of his many cameos before he took over as host in episode seven. I remember we screwed something up micing him, so everything he said was really distorted, but we decided to keep it since it disguised his voice and we could pretend was a deliberate special effect.

[8]
This is easily the single greatest segment of the entire run of the show. Shelly and Trina were sisters that I knew and befriended in different classes in school. They didn't get along in an extreme example of sibling rivalry. Before the interview I simply compiled a list of things they disagreed on (music, fashion, etc.) and then casually brought them up on camera. I'd just watch the screaming match until it started to mellow, then segue into the next subject. Jerry Springer had nothing on me.

[9]
I don't remember.

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